WASHINGTON — The first thing to notice in Washington is, of course, the politics. The buzz of government is ubiquitous and intoxicating. The second thing to notice in the nation’s capital? The Metro escalators—namely their length. The monstrosities at Rosslyn in suburban Virginia and DuPont Circle are of particular interest to photo-snapping tourists and D.C. newbies. For visitors, it’s important to keep in mind some basic concepts when it comes to politics and, of course, escalators.
THE CONSERVATIVE
Holding fast to the right, conservatives remain stoic and firm in a helter-skelter world of change. To critics, conservatives are stubborn in their ways, unwilling to change. But escalators are riddled with needless expenses, the conservatives counter. Why spend all that energy when the invisible hand of the escalator takes care of everything?
THE LIBERAL
The arc of the escalator is long but it bends towards home. Such is the view of liberals as they venture perpetually forward. The ascent is taxing, but liberals are no strangers to taxes. Those on the right watch them in their frenzied rush. “Look at them trudge along,” they quip, “like a bunch of European-style socialists marching lockstep with one another.”
THE FLIP-FLOPPER
Sometimes you start out on a path barreling heedlessly forward, full of energy and hope. But you tire, you acquire grueling experience, and your perspectives change. Other times you set out conservatively, but become impatient with the status quo and shift to the left. Either way, flip-flopping is a sheepish way of life.
THE BIPARTISAN EFFORT
Efforts to reach across the escalator aisle almost invariably fail. Perhaps in another era the two parties worked in greater harmony, standing side-by-side against the issues of their day. But no longer is such compromise possible. Eventually, pent-up pressure from both parties dissolves the effort, and the majority party once again takes control of the escalator.
THE 112th CONGRESS
Mitch Hedberg once said that an escalator is never broken, it only becomes stairs. Clearly he never spent any time in Washington, where Metro escalators seem perpetually and comprehensively inoperable.
Reporter David J. Unger, who covers environmental policy, will graduate from the Medill School of Journalism in June. He wrote this opinion piece for Washington Reporting 2.0., an occasional column about covering D.C.